God's Gift

With Christmas being only 3 days away I sit here amazed once again at the gift that God gave. To give us freedom from sin is amazing, but to give us that freedom by asking His Son to take our place is mind boggling. Would I be willing to give up my own son to save another person? I'm pretty positive that the answer is no. Yet, God more than willingly did this very thing for the whole world.

Amazingly, some people aren't willing to accept this gift because of the sacrifices that are required of us. We are required to put Jesus first (admit that we are can't do it by ourselves), think of others next (put others needs above our own), and give up our own selfish desires and, even at times, needs (become more like Christ). This gift is totally free because we do not have to come to God clean. The reason for the gift is to cleanse us from our sins. Yet, if we aren't willing to admit that we are sinners than God can not give us the gift that He so willingly wants to give us.

As we celebrate Jesus' gift to us, please thing about your own willingness to give Jesus a gift. Let your gift to Him be a willingness to accept His gift of eternal life by admitting you are a sinner, then ask Him to forgive you and come into your heart to cleanse it. Jesus has already offered the gift, all we have to do is accept it.

God Blesses

I just want to give thank to God for His blessing and faithfulness even when we do not deserve them.

Last week my husband came home after meeting with his boss and informed me that he was getting a substantial pay raise. This raise is retroactive which means that they are paying him the difference of the wages that he has already been paid and the raise. Another blessing is that he will be receiving this amount in a separate check from his normal paycheck and he should be receiving it this week. While I don't know what the actual difference between the two is, I am bless because we can use this extra money during this time of year when there are two weeks of no school, no work for us.

Again, thank you Jesus for your many blessings. Not just financial and physical blessing but the greatest blessing of all, your coming to earth as a baby and dying so that we may have life.

How about God

I realize that it's been along time since I've posted but I also realize that I needed to figure somethings out before I posted again. I feel that a person can not honestly post about what God is doing in his/her life if their life is not in line with God.

I, unfortunately, have been struggling with that aspect of my life for a couple of months. We have been going through some hard issues and circumstances in our lives here, but more than that, I have been struggling with putting my relationship with God first in my life. I've allow my problems and my desires to influence how I respond to Christ's calling in my life. I am realizing that I need to turn over my life, my desires, my problems to God. This maybe a life long struggle for me, but I am wanting to do what God wants.

As I've been struggling with this concept, I realize that I've put things above God. Things like books, computer time, desires for certain achievements in life, and so on. This has even effected my ability to be a mom and a wife. I've been turning inward instead of focusing on God and others first. I've had to ask God's forgiveness and confess my sins to Him. I'm thankful that He is way more forgiving than I am.

Now, I can't say that I will be any better about not struggling with God or with blogging about God's blessing in my life but I can say that God has once again got a hold of my heart and reminded me that HE IS in charge of my life. He will take care of me and my family if I just turn to Him, trust Him, obey Him, and give Him the number one spot of my life. I love Him and, even though I struggle, I want Him to my my guide and my influence.

I hope that the blessing and struggles that I post help those who are struggling as well. I know that God is great and can use anything and anyone, even one that is as imperfect and sinful as I.

How Do You Respond to God?

I just want to know how people respond to God when He calls them to do things that they do not want to do? I know that I don't respond the way a child should respond to a loving Father who knows what is best for them. I cry and complain. Fighting with Him and telling Him that I know better than He. I do finally comply but not until something happens to make me realize that I better obey or else. I find myself wishing that I were not a 'brat' and wondering how God can be so patient. I am so thankful that God is a loving parent, way more patient than I am with my own children, and always willing to forgive me when I sin.

Thank you Father.

Thank God For Friends

I am just thanking God for the friends He has put in my life at this point in time. I have been truly blessed by everyone of them. Today alone I received words of encouragement, a tip about free furniture, and even some stories to chuckle over. God know what we need and when we need it and He know who to send to provide for those needs. I pray that someday I can be the one to bless my friends with something that they need.

Thanking Him in All Circumstances

I am still learning to thank God in all circumstances. In the blessing as well as in the trials. Such as this last week. My parents had been blessed with a train trip to the west-coast for their anniversary, which I am very grateful for. I was so excited because it also was a break for my family to be away from my parents. Even though the week started out well it quickly went from good to bad as I got sick and my husband schedule didn't allow for me to have much down time to recover. I was so discouraged because I wanted the week to be a time of Ray and I and the kids and I just getting closer and instead we were all grousing at each other.

As I thought of the turn of events, I was so discouraged but God in His wisdom began to remind me that even in these circumstances I should be giving Him thanks and praising His Name. Thank you God that You can use any situation to give Yourself glory!

God is Good

God is good even when we don't see it. He never fails even when we do. I see how He has provided over the last month and stand in awe of these facts. First He provides money to pay the bills and then He provides food twice to put on our tables. Now I know that He will provide again to pay the bills and put food on the table.

This summer has been one of wonder and learning. Wonder in what God is capable of doing and learning that I need to constantly be in touch with Him to know His will for my life. God is definitely an awesome God. I am glad to know Him personally as my savior.

God keeps providing

This last week we were struggling to come up with enough food to feed us and my brother's four kids. God is so good. He always provides.

A friend of mine came by last Friday with enough food to take us all the way to the end of the week. God is an awesome God. He always knows our need and takes care of us.

More Blessings

God keeps providing for our needs. He provided here just this week money for my husband to get new shoes which he need really badly. He also provided for us to get the kids new shoes for PE. God is definitely providing for this here family. I love the way He keeps providing over and over again. Not that we deserve it, but because He promises to take care of His children.

God Provides

I am learning that as long as we are doing what God has directed, He provides. God gave us another reminder of this last week. Ray called me to let me know that God had prompted someone to bless us. God provided us with and extra $500. This was such a blessing and help us to pay the bill that were due this week. I am so thankful for God's promise to take care of His children. I am learning that all we have to worry about is developing our relationship with Him and He will take care of the rest. Not an easy task but better than worrying about my problems.

God, Truth, and the True Worshiper

The other night I was crying out to God because I have been struggling with a desire to be faithful everyday and yet not being faithful. As I cried out for help, guidance, and understanding God gave be several verses about Himself, truth, and the true worshiper. I desire to be a true worshiper.

John 3:33 "He who has received His (Jesus') testimony has set his seal to this, that God is true."

John 4:23 "But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshiper will worship the Father in spirit and in truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers."

John 3:21 "But he who practices truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought by God."

John 5:19 "Truly, Truly, I say to you, the Son of Man can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner."

This are the things that I have learned from these scriptures:
-When we receive Jesus' testimony as truth we acknowledge that God is true.
- In order to show this we need to be worshiping God in spirit and in truth. If we are claim to be a Christian and are not living life to be pleasing to God, then how can we say we are true worshipers.
-When we practice truth, Jesus allows our deeds to be manifested to all. This is so that the world can see that our deeds are from God.
-The way to practice truth as a true worshiper of God is to daily seek God's will in my life. If we are doing this we are practicing what Jesus practiced in John 5:19, doing nothing unless He first sees the Father doing it.

I can say that I have a long way to go in achieving the status of a true worshiper. I hope that by the time I face my Father in heaven I can say that I have attained this status. Until then I will be getting on my knees and seeking the Father's will in my life. This will be a struggle because there are days that I just don't want to know what God's will is for me. There are other days that I allow worldly things to come before God. I am not perfect, but I am a child of God and He is faithful and will to teach me.

I thank You, Lord because even if I am not always faithful, You are.

The Internet

I was going to post on my blog a week ago but our internet was not working fast enough to download my page. Can you believe? I do plan on posting something that God has been working in my heart but have to go to church soon. I will have to wait until tonight. Anyway, even though the internet here is still not up to speed, I can post now, so hopefully....

I just praise God that the internet is not the end all to everything.

Giving God Praise

I want everyone to know how great God is. We finished the school year not knowing what He had in store for our children's future education. We have been praying for His will. The story is as follows.

When we moved to Manhattan we had found an awesome Christian school. It is priced a little higher than the school that the kids went to in Great Bend but we felt that God was providing a way for the children to receive an awesome and safe education. God confirmed this when He provided me with a job at the exact same school. I get to go to school with my kids and I think this is great.

Unfortunately, we didn't realize how big a difference the cost of living is here in Manhattan, so we ended up being $3,800 behind at the end of the year. We left the school year trusting that God would either provide for the kids return to school or my ability to homeschool our kids well. God has given His answer today. We had a meeting with the principal of the school and the are in a sense forgiving us for our debt this year and we are starting over next year. We are praising God that they will get to attend Flint Hills Christian Schools for one more year.

Thank you, Jesus.

A Visit From Family

We have been blessed and busy this last week.

My in laws came to town for the week. It was a true blessing because we have not seen them for 2 years. We caught up some, swam a lot, and enjoyed many restaurants this last week.

There is one thing that happened this week that really has me praising God. We were outside enjoying the cool breezes and shade and talking when it happened. It had rained the night before and the ground was kind of soft but we weren't thinking anything of this because the chairs were sturdy and the legs were wide. My mother-in-law as rocking Missy back and forth and sing "Rock A Bye Baby" when all of a sudden both her and Missy fell backward in the chair and Mom hit her head on the house. I was really concerned because she was laying in an unusually position. She was fine though and all was well. Until... about 10 minutes later, my father-in-law's chair slowly laid back. It was so surreal. Like watching a movie in slow motion. One minute he was sitting in the chair the next he was lying on his back in the chair. He, too, had hit his head but God protected him because he only had a bump on the head.

I will always be thankful that God protected my in-laws while they were here in Kansas.

Praise God

Just sending a praise God out to the fact that Ray has gotten a summer job at Home Depot. I am so blessed at this.

We are also having a visit in a couple of days from my in-laws. This is so exciting because we haven't seen them for a couple of years. Yea!!!

God's Thoughts

I am thinking of the scripture in Isaiah 55:8. God tells us that His thought and ways are not the same as ours. I understand this because I have seen the ways that He has worked in my life. First of all, when He comes and says that He want to provide for me, I am thinking physically but He is thinking spiritually. He want to give me spiritual wealth beyond anything I have ever heard. I may receive that financial wealth, but that is a blessing coming from my obedience in seeking after God.

He is wanting me to seek Him for Him not because of His provisions in my life. As a human, this can be hard to grasp. How do I separate my what I feel my needs are from what God want me to be pursuing? I am learning that by just praising God during your prayer time really opens up a new understanding in your mind. Don't ask Him for anything, just praise Him for who He is. Also, spend time daily studying His Word. I find that when I don't do this I start looking on my physical needs and circumstances instead of keeping my focus on God. Doing these two things have really helped my with my spiritual needs. I am also finding that I don't worry about my physical needs when I praise God for who He is and when I daily spend time learning about His Words.

God's grace is becoming a daily need in my life. I am learning that while I tend to think on a more physical level, God is thinking on a more spiritual level. When He states that His grace is sufficient to provide all my needs, He is talking about a whole lot more than the physical, financial, or mental needs of His people.

As I have been seeking God out more He has been showing me so many things about myself. Without out Him I am very selfish and focused on my physical needs. Even now I struggle with focusing on Him instead of my needs and wants. I am learning that when I focus my efforts on God and His glory that I can trust Him so much better than when I start wondering how we are going to buy food or gas with no money and we don't get paid for a week, or how we are going to pay the kids' school so that they can come back next year or how we are going to make it through the summer if we don't find summer jobs.

There are so many worries in today's world but I am understanding more why Jesus asks us to take His yolk and give Him our yolk. His yolk is so much easier to bear. When I focus on Him and what He has for me to do I can handle my problems so much easier because I am not worrying about them. In fact they are not my problems anymore, they are Jesus' problems. I don't have to worry anymore because no matter what happens Jesus is in charge and He has promised that He will never leave or forsake me.

I am excited about my life really; I am learning so much more since I decided that God is working for me and not against me. I am understanding so much more now that I realize that what is here now is not as important than what is eternal. I am learning to store up my treasures in heaven and not here on earth. I am learning to be heaven bound and not earth bound. To do God's will and not my own. Oh, I mess up often, but I thank God that He is forgiving and that I am learning.

Learning The Meaning of Giving All

Last night at church I learned a little more about what God expects of me as a Christian. It means giving him every part of myself. Can you believe that? I have to give him my family, my desires, my time, everything.

I have been struggling with this for some time now actually. God just brought it to the forefront last night. One of the of the girls told a story about an evangelist that she had heard who had given his all to God when he was a young man. God had called him to ministry and he had developed an awesome prayer life. The evangelist had given everything to God but would not give God his girlfriend. Everyday in prayer God would ask this young man to give up his girlfriend and he would refuse. One day the man noticed that his prayer life was becoming less full and he was pulling away from God, he got down on his knees and gave his girlfriend over to God that very day. God blessed him by giving him a full and gifted ministry that blesses people all over the world today.

The young women who shared this asked us all the question, "What is our 'girlfriend'? The one thing we are holding back from God?" God really used this to remind me that He should be my priority. I have been putting my mom before Him. He had asked me to give up my TV time with my mom several weeks ago to spend time with Him and my husband. I had been putting it off because I didn't want to offend my mom. God basically was asking me the question, "Are your mom's feelings more important than me?" I have given this up and am going to be spending the time with my God and my husband; to the best of my ability. I know that there are times I may fail, but it is my goal to make this time important to God and not to myself.

What is it that you are holding back from God? Give it to Him today and focus on Him in that area. You maybe surprised what He does in return.

God's Blessing in May

God brought a blessing of more work for Ray this month. He has two free lance interpreting jobs. One is for two weekends and will end up being around $300 and the other is a wedding and will be about $150 altogether. God is so good. He can bless us out of no where and for no reason except that He is God.

God Is Able

I haven't been on in a while because of busyness but God has been talking to me still. This last week He has been reminding me that He is able. He is able to provide. He is able to protect. He is able to come to my aide. He is able to heal. He is able to conform me to His glory. When I draw near, He is able to save me. He is able!

The one 'He is able' scripture that has really struck me is in 2 Timothy 1:12. It says, "For this reason I also suffer these things, but I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day." I am not sure I can accurately put into words all that I am learning from this scripture, but here is some of it.

God has been dealing with me lately about focusing on Him and not on my needs and trials. He is wanting me to entrust my life, my husband, my family, and everything to Him. He has promised that He will guard what I entrust to Him (whatever I don't give to Him, He cannot guard). I am understanding that the only way to entrust these to Him is to turn to Him, focus on His will, do His bidding, and let Him worry about my life. This is not easy; at least for me. I want to sit down and figure out how to make everything work right in my life and God is telling me that worrying is NOT my job. My job is to learn more about Him, pray, and do His will (which, of course, is teaching others about Him).

I must say that I struggle with entrusting my family and their well being to God. I really want to be the hero in this scenario. I want to be the one that get the credit. I ask myself why this is so important and realize that it has to do with pride. In order for me to lay my everything before God and into His trust I need to swallow my pride, admit that I am not God and cannot guard my everything, and give it to Him to guard.

Lord Jesus, I ask that you give me and anyone who reads this the strength to be able to set aside our pride and turn our everything over to you so that You can guard them like You have promised in your word. Thank You that You will guard what we entrust to You and that You are willing to show us when we take back things to fix them on our own.

Amen

As God Changes Us

We ask for pray as God changes us. As he asks us to give up more of us and take on more of Him, we are learning what Jesus went through as He served His disciples during His hardest trial on earth. I, personally, am realizing that I need to be willing to serve others more, give more, and comfort more when I am going through trails in my life. As I was reading My Heart's Cry by Anne Graham Lotz the other day, I came across the phrase, "Please, just give me MORE of Your dirt on my Hands." I realized that the blessing come from giving your last $10 when you need to put gas in your car, giving your neighbor some time to talk when you wish to just go home and crash, or just giving your child 10 more minutes in the day when it is least convenient. Now I am asking God to give me those times that I can get my hands dirty for Him. I need to become less focused on my problems and more focused on His desires and others problems. I need to be willing to bless others even when I maynot have the time, money, or energy.

Lord, help me to reach out to others even when I don't want to or don't think I have the resources. Help me to become God oriented and less circumstance oriented. Most of all...

Please, just give me MORE of Your dirt on my Hands.

Thank you, Jesus.

James 4:10

"Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you." John 4:10

I was doing my Bible study yesterday and was directed to this scripture. I sat there for a while and thought about this scripture. Why would I do this? Because I realized that I didn't really understand what it meant to "humble myself in the presence of the Lord." I had to admit to God that I don't think that I fit this scripture. How could I, I didn't understand it. I did pray for understanding.

Today, I was reading about Jesus' death on the cross and the circumstances leading up to it and it all of sudden dawned on me... Jesus humbled Himself before the Lord. He humbled Himself to the point of death. He did not argue with His accusers, He did not have a debate, He did not try to free Himself. He willing did what God wished for Him to do; give His life on the cross so that we could have life. Would I be willing to lay down my life so that another could have life? I really have to ask myself this question. There will be a time, I really believe, where I may have to be willing to do just that. How many Christians, even today, willing, humbly follow the Lord even to their physical deaths, and yet, I can't even follow Him to my pray closet some days.

If you ever wonder about our lives as Christians are in the United States you must read the DC Talk book Jesus Freaks. We live a very sad, selfish life-style compared to the Christians in this book. These people are willing to serve Christ to the death and we Christians in the U.S. are concerned about doctrines and carpet colors. We need to get back to Who God Is and why we serve Him and not worry about whether we are Baptist, Lutherans, or Pentecostals. I want to be a Jesus Freak.

My pray is that I can become so humble in the presence of the Lord that I will one day be humble and willingly enough to follow him to a physical death so as to win others over to Him.

God's blessing

Saturday, we received a wonderful blessing in that one of our creditors that wasn't acknowledging our payments suddenly wants to work with us and accept the $50 a month that we have been paying them. This doesn't seem like much to most people, but to us it was a wonderful blessing. A showing of God's faithfulness because this creditor was in the process of taking us to court and has chanced their mind. PRAISE GOD!!!!!

God is still in control even when the circumstances want to say otherwise.

The Miracles in the Trials

Do you believe that God can use even the worst of situations to teach us something new? I do.

Today, in our Sunday School Class we talked about the different roles of a husband and a wife. One of the roles is that the husband is the one that takes on the responsibility of taking care of the family, protecting the family, providing for them. This really gripped me because I tend to want to be the protector of everyone; even my husband. God has been talking to me about this subject for a week now. Oh, not quite in the same words, but still... with my husband facing a lawsuit for money that we didn't even know that we owed until a year ago, I wanted to run into that court and be his big defender. God has been dealing with me about Him being Ray's defender and allowing Ray to learn to protect me and his family. I want to be the champion in this fight but God says that the only champion can be Him. I need to trust in, first God, next my husband.

I seem to be talking a lot about John11:40, but God is really trying to instill in me the believing in Him and expecting Him to be glorified. I am also seeing that sometimes the miracles in our lives that are most important are the ones that happen while we are going through the trials. If I just believe, trust in Him and let Him take care of our problem with this collector than God will do something to glorify Himself. I only have to praise Him in the end. In the next two verses Jesus says, " Father, I thank You that You have heard Me, I knew that You always hear Me; but because of the people standing around I said it, so that they may believe that You sent Me." When I read this verse yesterday it hit me that the only way that people will believe in Jesus and know that God sent Him is if we as Christian become vocal witness to Him. If God gives Ray and I a miracle on Tuesday and we don't become vocal about it how will people know Jesus and believe in Him? I just pray that when the time comes that I have the courage to be vocal about God's blessing and miracles on our behalf. If I don't then someone else will, or worse, the rocks and the hills will cry out for me.

Whose Voice Do You Hear?

Today I bought a new book. The name of it is My Heart Cry, by Anne Graham Lotz. I have never read any of her books or even heard her speak. I must say that the only thing that I have known about her until today is that she is the daughter of Billy Graham. What attracted me to the book really and honestly was that it was $1.99. What made me buy it was the subtitle, Longing for more of Jesus.

That is my hearts cry right now, to have more of Jesus. I want to know that He is right here with me at all times, even when I don't feel Him. I want to be able to know His voice whether He is speaking through His Word (The Bible), through another person, or through circumstances in my life. I want to have the passion for Jesus to do whatever He asks even if it is not the popular view or even makes sense to me. Most of all I want Him to be top priority in my life. I have to then ask myself, "If I want this then why is it not so? Who is stopping this from happening?" Me of course.

How many of us can say that we want something so bad that we can taste it and yet we do anything we can to avoid realizing our goal. It happens all the time because we are afraid of the outcome. I know that I want so much to have such an intimate relationship with Christ that it hurt inside and yet I avoid that relationship because I am afraid of the cost that it will require. What will I have to give up in order to have this relationship? Who will think that I am a fanatic? Or who may be offended that I seek Christ over them? The question could go on but the big question is who or what am I afraid to give up more then I am afraid of giving up Christ?

In John 10:27 Jesus say, "My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me." Now how would a sheep now their shepherds voice unless somehow the shepherd has built a relationship with that sheep in someway. With real sheep, they don't have a choice, their shepherd builds that relationship with them and teaches them to know only his voice. With us, we have to be willing to learn Jesus' voice. I need to be willing to set aside time everyday to read His Word and pray and listen. I need to learn to seek out His voice so that when others come claiming that they are acting or speaking in His behalf, I can hear if His voice is really in their words, and if I'm not sure, I need to be willing to turn back to His Word to know for sure.

I know that God speaks personally to us everyday, but am I willing to know His voice more intimately so that I can hear Him when He does speak? That is really what this journey in life is all about isn't it? To long for Jesus, turn to Him, seek Him, and know His voice intimately. Without this, life is aimless and without purpose.

So... I am going to pursue that longing for more of Jesus. I want to know Him intimately even if I offend some, am labeled a fanatic, or have to give up something that I enjoying doing. I pray that everyone that reads this will do the same.

Living Life Intentionally

I must confess that we have had more things get thrown at us from the past these past two weeks then we have had in a long time. Unfortunately, Ray and I struggle the most with our finances and it shows by our past history. I tend to get bogged down in the past and dwell on it (or as my favorite author, Beth Moore, so fondly says. "I'm enjoying my pit").

Several years ago, Ray and I had bought a house in Michigan and had planned on growing old in it. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) for us, Ray's bosses decided that they didn't need several of their employees and laid them off. He happened to be one of the ones that lost their job. Ray spent a whole year trying to find a job and couldn't. Because of these circumstances we lost the house and we moved to Kansas. After we lost the house we thought nothing of it.

Moving forward to today. Ray received a summons to court so that the PMI insurance can collect the money that we "owe" them. To us it doesn't make sense but it is perfectly legal. I went to church today laden with fear, guilt, hurt, and why's. I kept thinking about the past. How our choices in the past have effected us, how we were not being the best stewards of God's resources, and how we can't be effective witness because of this burden from our past.

Do you know that God meets us even when we don't understand? He gives us answers even when we may not want to hear? He is still God even when we forget that? I walked into that meeting tonight thinking that I was not worthy of being a child of God and He walked in and told me to not look at the past but look at the future. God calls us to intentionally "Forget what is behind and strain towards what is ahead, toward the goal". This is part of Philippians 3:12-14 and God, through the Apostle Paul, is telling us the importance of focusing on the goal that He has for us and not on our failures of the past. When we are focused on God's goal then we will intentionally live our lives to pursue that goal. We will make wise choices and we will also trust in Him to take us through the struggles that we are in today. Even the struggles that we have put ourselves in.

One more scripture that goes along with looking into the future. 2 Corinthians 5:17-19 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!..." If God sees us as a new creation, that means He is not looking back at our mistakes and sins. He is looking forward to the promise that He has given us in each of our lives. We may not see that promise right now but it is there and He will be faithful to bring it to pass. I am excited that even if I forget and look back, God never looks back and condemns me.

I may not know what the world is holding out for the future of my family, but I can count on the fact that God has a glorious future in store for us. Remember John 11:40? Jesus said, "Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?" Well, I have to believe that God is greater than this problem because I want to see the glory of God. Will the outcome be hard for us to bear? I don't know, but I know that somehow God will receive glory.

We Must Believe

When reading the Bible two days ago I ran across the words of Jesus that say, "Did I not say to you that if you believe, you would see the glory of God?" I stopped at these words because I can honestly say that I have not seen the glory of God but in a very minuet part. I realized that I am not believing the way that Jesus commanded Martha in this scripture passage. She was upset because Jesus had not come sooner to heal her brother but did not believe that Jesus could raise Lazarus from the dead.

Ray and I are going through a very hard struggle (for us) right now and it is hard not to say to Jesus, "If you had just provided sooner, this would not be happening." I think that is why the Holy Spirit had me open my Bible to John 11:40. I am struggling with the same unbelief that Martha was struggling with. Not an unbelief that Jesus can provide but one that says that Jesus can provide up to a certain point. Jesus is stating to us right here in this verse that He is bigger than any problem. Are we willing to turn to him even when we can't pay the bills, get a job, save our kids from the world, or even when we loose someone who is very close to us to cancer or some other untimely death? Are we willing to still say, "God I believe that you can ... I want to see Your glory in my life."

That day I decided to believe that Jesus is even the answer to our very hard struggle and that we are going to see His glory. We are still in the middle of the struggle, but He is there right along side of us. He is the only one who can solve the problem and I believe that with all my heart.

I believe:
God is who He says He is
God can do what He says He can do
I am who God says I am
I can do all things through Christ
God's Word is alive and active in me
(I learned this when I went through Beth Moore's Believing God Bible study which I strongly recommend.)

Why God is God and I Am Not

I will tell you that I find it very comforting to know that I am not God; most of the time. There are times though that I wonder why God doesn't do things my way. I had one of these moments not long ago when my brother and his wife were going through a very big struggle in their lives.

My brother and his wife have not really ever had a good marriage. They were kind of thrown into marriage with a lot of mistrust from both sides but they have been determined to stick with it. Until recently, I really struggled with this because I just saw all the the bad in the situation. I guess it is a good thing that I am not God because I was not really holding out for a good ending.

But...God is God and He is holding out for a good ending. He had the beginning of it planned all along. It started with my brother watching that movie Fireproof. Watching it caused him to want to change and he bought the book that the movie is based off of and started through the 40 days. He started praying for his wife and seeking to find ways to show her worth.

Next my sister-in-law woke up in the middle of the night a couple of weeks ago and God gave her a scripture verse and a true repentance came. Her attitude toward my brother has started to change just like his attitude toward her has started to change. Now I am not saying that they now have the perfect marriage after two weeks or that they will not have anymore troubles. What I am saying is that they have made a decision that what God wants is most important and that maybe their marriage is worth saving and not just enduring.

The reason I share this is because there are many times in our lives that we do not see the circumstances in our lives as having a positive ending. And there are even more times that we wish that we could give God advice so that He would just eliminate the problems in our or someone else's life. If we pray and are patient we might find a blessing at the other end of the problem. What I've seen happen this last week or so was God working a miracle in a way that defies logic. He has stepped into a situation because there was a cry for help and He help in a way that no one thought was possible. I am so grateful because God's way was so much better then my way could have ever been.

Life in Kansas

Life here in Kansas has been interesting. We moved to Kansas a little over 4 years ago. We came here for two important reasons. The first being that God directed us to go. The second because my husband had lost his job of 5 years in 2004 and could not find another one in the Grand Rapids, MI area.

When we moved to Great Bend, KS we thought that life would become more easy. We found out that life does not change dramatically though you move. We did find out that God was desiring more from us. He wanted us to trust Him more. Lean on Him more. Be dependent of Him and no one or nothing else. While this may seem easy for some, it was (and still is) had for me. I tend to be a fix-it myself type of person and when I can't I get depressed. When we started to go through situations that I could not fix myself, I began to realize that God was serious about me turning more to Him and less to my own abilities. As I lean more on Him, He shows His faithfulness more and more. In this blog I hope to share some of the faithful things that He has done and is doing to take care of this family. Some may seem coincidental to you and others may seem impossible but I know that all are of God.